[it’s fine]

Here’s the deal boys, girls can be irrational, emotional, confusing and sometimes – in your mind – crazy. The male definition of crazy includes any time a female oversteps her bounds being too clingy, too emotional or shows she cares too much. Sure, it’s scary, but who are you kidding? She likes you, and instead of talking about it you resort to calling her a crazy to your friends/the girl your crushing/your entire world of Facebook. If you’re me (newsflash: in your dreams) and you have a Facebook community that includes anyone you have ever crossed paths with (you probably do) this means that there are some 400-800+ people that now know the girl that bared her heart to you (how dare she) is a psychopath that cares. 

Anyway, I started off talking about the male definition to lead into my main point. Females have their own definitions. They may not be on UrbanDictionary, however it’s well-known amongst our ‘species’ that these two phrases are not only highly passive aggressive, but are our last-ditch effort for you to back-pedal whatever it is we think you’ve done – which to be honest, is probably nothing. 
I’ll start with the less obvious of the two. 
She says: No you don’t have to [insert ANY verb you can think of].
She means: Of course, I would like it if you [insert same verb] – however I want you to figure it out on your own. 
Irrational? Yup. Ridiculous? Yes. Totally and completely passive? Yesiree. The reality is, she wants you to show her how much you care (since it’s apparent you don’t think she’s crazy…yet) without asking you to go out of your way for her. That would be way too logical. 
If you don’t know this next one, then you might be too oblivious to be attracted to us ‘aliens.’ Throw in the towel champ because you’re hopeless. These two-words will make you want to rip the hair straight from the follicle. Do you remember when you were growing up and your parents said they weren’t mad – just disappointed. It’s like that, but now you’re adult and tonight you aren’t having sex.
She says: It’s fine. 
She means: You asshat. 
And it’s just that simple. She’s mad you changed the channel, but it’s fine. You would rather play XBox Live than talk. Also, fine. Oooooh maybe you picked your friends’ party over a date night? That one will get you for sure. 
Listen bud, it’s not fine. Whether it’s verbal, e-mail, text or sign language – her passive-aggressive ship is sailing you further from the sheets and closer to the couch. Maybe not this time, but the next time. Watch out for this one, it’s brutal – especially with the right inflection. 
The good news is she’ll probably get over it. Eventually. What can I tell you? Sometimes girls are just crazy. 

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