Why did health care reform cross the road?

To get hit by a protestor.

My mother always taught me to keep my extremities inside moving vehicles at all times. This included not flailing my arms like a wild child while on the back of my dad’s road bike or trying to touch a passing bus from the backseat of her Cadillac. This also meant no arms out the sunroof, and God forbid I even considered sticking my head out it.

Which makes me curious as to why anyone would deem it acceptable to shove not only their arms, but also an American flag or sign expressing their beliefs in front of my car. Are you hoping I’ll hit you? That I’ll panic (happens often), swerve and somehow warrant your stance on health care? I fully respect your right to free speech, however can’t you either do it silently in a statuesque manner while holding your ugly sign – excuse me for being a Sportsbooster in high school, livin’ in the past, woot! – or post something via Facebook like every other normal person with an opinion?

Yes, I KNOW you are a Republican. I get it. And sure, you don’t want standardized health care. Cheers to you! But look, some of my best friends are Republicans, and they aren’t stupid idiots. The day they heave their upper bodies toward a Ford Taurus (Go USA!) to prove that our current health care works is the day I drop their dumb-butt from my friend list.

I know you think that you are hitting on your target demographic by posting up for hours on Northgate Way between the mall and Target. Don’t think that just because the All You Can Eat Buffet is right across the street from where you are waiving opinions that you are impacting their meal. You are making their lunch, which is already worse than the buffet at Circus Circus, more unbearable. Not to mention the likelihood that they know what you are saying or even care is very low.

So no complaining if I (accidently) run over your foot with my 17′ alloy wheels because you stepped off the curb mid-protest and your insurance doesn’t cover it all. Don’t come suing me. Firstly, because aside from my Nordies card there isn’t much to win. Secondly, because it wasn’t my fault that your co-protestor nudged you in a moment of protestic-passion. Try going to a McDonald’s parking lot. You’re less likely to get hit by a moving vehicle and more likely to score an artery-clogging cheeseburger from on your massive supporters (and soon to be Facebook friend) who doesn’t mind dropping a couple extra-bucks to feel like he contributed to your oh-so-important message.

Put away your safety scissors, poster board and Sharpies (OMG, I love sharpies). Write a letter to someone with power. I guarantee you they can do more than the people that cruise Northgate Way. Vote. Because you’re in my car’s bubble and she does not appreciate it.

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