Tax Free Tanning

Recently, the Obama administration passed a controversial health care bill – wait, don’t get your granderwear in a twist too quickly because that isn’t what I am talking about today. Today, I want to tell you plain and simple: I am pro tan.

It’s true, dear stalkers, I enjoy my skin a shade at least three-times as dark as it currently is..more of a light caramel rather than a light white.

One: Don’t judge me. I live in Seattle, it’s March and my skin hasn’t seen real sun since September.
Two: I most definitely do not go to tanning beds.

Which is why Obama’s 10% tanning tax doesn’t bother me in the least. If you didn’t already know, in addition to being a clever writer and the most fun person ever, I am also quite a shopper. Taxes are obnoxious, tacked on at the end of your purchase, making your already spendy-trip that much spendier. Ugh.

However they are necessary. Or something.

And now, they are annoying sorority girls everywhere – dreaming of a SoCal life all the while pretending like they are supposed to be that color when it’s barely 40-degrees out and raining. All. The. Time. Let’s not get started on their hair color, but really? You had to go MORE BLONDE?

Quick tip: You can avoid that extra $2-$3 pretty easily. Stop trying to accelerate your imminent skin cancer, and get that color for free poolside. What’s that? Yes, poolside. I am aware that these close seasonally, and if there is no sun out this method is less effective.

News flash: Unless you live somewhere where the sun it OUT and you can comfortably wear a swimsuit outside, you shouldn’t be a dark shade of tan. To be quite frank, you are making me feel whiter (yes, a me-problem, I know) and to be even more honest, you look like an over-cooked chicken. Your teathery-skin and deep, dark color is clearly fake…so much like your implants, we all know you’re lying.

Considering that tanning beds/salons will never be a seasonal option, I think it’s best that you take all that money you want to spend on tanning and put it in a jar. Then once you feel like Casper, count your money and book a trip somewhere warm. First thing you can do once your plane lands is get a tan.

And guess what else? Now we are stimulating the travel economy. Everybody wins. I bet Obama is going to be thrilled with my genius plan. Stimulating travel, while decreasing the use of human size rotisserie cookers. It’s just too bad Ron Popeil isn’t around every time you climb into one of those contraptions.

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