Middle-Class Matchmaker: With A Low Success Rate

I am sure everyone is more than familiar with the Millionaire Matchmaker, a third-generation matchmaker who has claimed her own spot on Bravo. Pairing her plethora of female beauties with socially-inept/awkward/smelly/workaholic/overly-confident dbag millionaires.

Not that I watch endless hours of matchmaking reality (seriously, it’s real).

Or hold mixers that I invite my entire friend groups to in hopes that I can then force them onto one another.

Unlike Patti Stanger, I have one of the lowest success rates in match making history. I have not dedicated my life to pairing off all 700+ of my Facebook friends. If they really needed someone to date they could go to the sleaziest source possible: Match.com. Rather, my single friends must succumb to my continual social pressure to date each other.

And it’s really not forcing, more intense encouragement fueled by direct comments, constant questioning and extensive texts. Also, less of a mixer type environment and more of a ‘whoops, you both stopped by at the same time — let’s drink!’ But who’s paying attention to the details?

I like to think that each of my matches has the potential for the long-term. Not that I put a ridiculous amount of time, thought or true consideration into these pairs. BUT both parties are almost always single…

Foyfriends don’t count. (Foyfriend = Fake + Boyfriend) If it’s not FBO — Facebook official, keep up. Who are you? My mom? — it’s not real.

I can say with great confidence that not only do I have an extremely low success rate, I also have found myself saying ‘oh get over it’ on more than one account, since as it happens when you cross-mingle friend groups in an attempt to balance your social calendar out for sole personal gain and you fail miserably – said failed attempts can create someone awkward situations (ye!).

(Did I just admit to you that I try to set my friends up for my own personal gain? Nooooo….)

My first attempt was almost too perfect. D stopped by and K was over..could it have been fate that they were both single? Or pure serendipity? As most of you know, I am obsessed with all things of a serendipitous nature and convinced myself that said pair could not fail.


The next try was much more successful, however can I truly credit myself when it was S that called and asked my permission to take out K’s sister? Sure can, if it statistically helps me. If at any point things between them end, I refute all responsibility.

I am not sure about the next non-couple…as once again I really was not that involved in the whole process. Regardless, they know each other because of me…which could be good or bad depending on how you review the tapes.

And now that I sit down to think about it, I realize that I am a miserable 2 for 3. To make it even worse, three of the six people involved are related. I am sure that since all six of you read my blog, and four of you are probably annoyed that I publicly outed your failed relationships — please wait to thank me later.

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