These Shoes Were Made for Stalking

For the past three weeks I have been shamelessly stalking a pair of shoes. Yes, shoes. These aren’t just any old pair of shoes – these are marigold, platform wedges that do not cost an entire paycheck. They are faux (I don’t see you buying Jimmy Choos. And if you are, really? Never feel like buying a house, huh?) and come from the most magical place on earth.

(Don’t act like you don’t know that I am talking about Target. If you didn’t, either you are my mother and way behind on my blogs or you clearly are not getting my e-mail updates. Look to the left, genius, and sign up. It’s way easier, I promise.)

I first layed my eyes on these adorable, economically responsible calf-lengtheners in Real Simple, another one of my guilty pleasures. Though I may be single female living roommate-to-roommate, I have the same nesting desires as a woman living in a house too big for her husband, 2.5 kids and Golden Retriever. I want to be organized. (Dream on.) I want to know the proper way to scrub my bathtub. (Also, faster!) I want to successfully cook a meal in under an hour. (Rachel Ray lies.) Somewhere between learning to read and access to my first debit card, I missed the desire to subscribe to Cosmo and preferred home and lifestyle essentials.

Lucky for me I try to pick roommates that enjoy reading about 32-ways to Please in Under an Hour and Sixty Things to Drive Your Man Wild (Which means: How to Contort Yourself Until You’re Stuck.)

Anyway, after seeing Miss Sample Size in the April Real Simple wearing a floral-pattern dress and the gladiator-style wedges I mentioned earlier, I knew it was fate that both were from Target. Begin obsession.

The dress was easy; it was in my cart minutes after I set down the magazine.

But the shoes. Those pesky, popularly priced pavement pounders are IMPOSSIBLE to find. Where do I even begin telling you about my escapades?

After the initial disappointment of not being able to locate them immediately at my local Target, I knew that Al Gore’s Internet would come through for me. It had to. I needed those shoes. Even though there are plenty of Target’s within a 15-minutes driving distance of me, much like Starbucks, why waste my time going store to store when I could just get free shipping?

I booted up, clicked the browser icon and found them. Not available yet?! Ridiculous. Target teased my tootsies, and I was to wait another week before I would be able to ‘add to cart.’ Nobody likes a tease. (I think that article came from Maxim.)

Since their release, I have tried four Targets in two states. On opposite ends of the country. All were miserable disappointments.

I found flats in marigold. And the same desirable platform wedge in a brown. But no hybrid of the two. Don’t even get me started on the meager end cap dedicated to these ‘designed for Target’ masterpieces.

Desperation ensues.

Not to mention that they are sold out online. Somewhere out there, you’re stocking the shoes of my dreams. And I won’t sleep (lies. I love to sleep.) until my feet are safely nestled at an uncomfortable angle – making me three inches taller, and my legs that much longer.

If you work for Real Simple OR a Target warehouse, I wear an 8.5. Please e-mail me for my ship-to information.

Oh, and yes, I would like to freelance for you. Thank you for asking.

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