Friday for Thought: Retirement Funds

Years ago, between American Girl dolls, episodes of Home Improvement and long addition I decided to start a retirement fund. I had opened a checking account and learned to ride a dirt bike by age 8, so for an 11-year old I was would say I was advanced. My parents were invested in my continued development, encouraging my hobbies, athletics and financial security.

Naturally, being as “matured” as I was (and still am, thank you), I found the best, most aggressive investment as possible. I recently read that the younger years are the best time to make more “high-risk” investments.

See? Advanced.

So, I sunk my weekly allowance, meager babysitting earnings and the all-too-often double please to my parents into the obvious:

Beanie babies.

I hit up the local Hallmark Store and scoured every swap meet Dad took me to for those tough to find and/or retired pellet-filled plushes. I begged for a few extra bucks to cover the cost of a $20 Seaweed (the Otter) and protected the sure-to-be goldmines with tag sleeves and caps to ensure my Babies would be protected and in pristine condition. I had a printed, plastic sleeved list of retired, high-value Beanies with highlights. Don’t even get me started on all the Happy Meals I ate for those mini matching Beanies.

And, apparently, I joined the Beanie Baby Club – with printed certificate to prove it.

So, it’s fair to say when I asked my Dad to being my tub of Beanies over I was preeeetty confident that I had several hours of eBaying in my future.

Just the Beginning

What the hell was I thinking? These things crashed faster than the 2009 economy. I would have been better off turning them weeks (days?!) after purchase to return at least some sort of positive profit.

I spent an hour on my bedroom floor filtering through the bears, cats and dogs. Hippity, Hoppity, Floppity — one of these things MUST be worth something. Anything! After I found my Princess Diana bear I thought — BOOM! Dynamite. This is gonna be it.

Next time you want a good laugh, go ahead and search “Princess Diana Beanie Baby” on eBay. Want to know what that “must have” sells for?

Screen Shot 2014-04-25 at 10.40.21 AM

Yah, like $3. Maybe $7. But mostly $3.

So that was disappointing. (See #14 on the Huffington Posts “15 Things That Happen to You When You Start to ‘Grow Up'”)

But not quite as disappointing as realizing that I bought THREE of them. THREE?

How much did I pay for the extra two?

Weren’t those hard to come by?


Reviewing the current value of retired American Girl doll cloths/accessories that would have been a better use of funds. How was I to know that Beanie Babies would fizzle out and die like a dud firecracker?

Since Beanie Babies don’t pay the bills, I am going to transfer some money into that IRA now…before I convince myself that I can retire on shoes and airline miles.

Oh hey! How about these BitCoins…


Friday for Thought: World Tourism Day!


(Found this gem of an image on, I need a giant poster in my office, no?)

Happy it’s Friday. I am counting down the days until my next adventure (the French Alps!!). Did I tell you it’s Boyfriend’s first trip abroad? Passports, Brie and romance – oh my!

We are going to have an amazing time “shredding the gnar” in Chamonix, eating our way through Paris and capping our trip off with 48-hours in Iceland. Obvi I will give you deets, pictures and my “Top Things I Ate” list when we get back, but until then, you shall listen to my incessant babble about HOW EXCITED I AM! and HOW IT WILL BE THE BEST TRIP EVER!@$#! (Until the next one…)

Currently, my places to go in 2014 looks something like this:

1. Kauai: no explanation needed. ever.

2. Chile: happy 30th birthday to Boyfriend! more international skiing!

3. The Philippines: this one is ever so slightly out of my comfort zone, but it made the list.

Where are you going in 2014? Wishing YOU a happy World Tourism Day! Au revoir! 


Laundry: Reserved for Marriage

What’s going on right now? Well, let me tell you. My boyfriend (after a superficial conversation with one of my favorite satirist, I have decided to go back to boyfriend over manfriend) is studying for the Professional Engineering Test. And when he’s done studying, he studies a little bit more, eats a snack and then logs his hours. The man uses Excel in his personal life as much as I do at work. Respect.

Anyhow, with all of this studying pulling from the usual stream of attention slash annoying me, I have gotten to spend my free time at my condo, not going to the gym and taking baths.

Oh, and cooking for him because quote, “I am going to need you to make me lots of food while I am studying. I need to eat.” And so I do, because when he passes this test I can quit my job and focus on things like going to JoAnn Fabrics. (Ya right.)

Also note, I do these things with a big, fat smile on my face.

Last weekend I got up early, like 930, on a Sunday. I was zombie-walking around with bed head, coffee and morning breath being all sorts of attractive and eventually found myself trolling Pinterest. Y’know, the usual. I was making use of my Sunday and had no immediate plans to shower.

And then, this happened. I was focused in all of my laziness and Boyfriend says, “Can you help me do laundry today? I really need to do laundry and get six hours of studying in and it would be super helpful.”

There was a really long pause combined with a stare down, followed by me saying, “Are you serious?”

Yeah, I said that. Because I have guidlelines! Standards! We aren’t married. We don’t live together. I have my own laundry, and you don’t see him coming over to fold it for me when I have been bouncing all over the country from one thing to the next. First it’s laundry, then it’s cleaning his house, and before you know it I’m like a part-time wife without the medical benefits or access to his bank account. Besides, it’s important to save something for marriage, it gives them something to really look forward to, and a reason to put a ring on it.

So here we are, me ranting and you finding yourself thinking, “did she do it?”

But we both know I did it. Was there really ever a question in your mind? I turned on ABC Family (for the remainder of the day) and did laps between the couch and the dryer. (And thank you, ABC Family for the Kristen Bell marathon!)

Then I made dinner.


Friday for Thought: Prom

I know I owe all of a break down of my recent trip to LV; don’t worry it’s coming.

In the meantime, I wanted to give a quick Friday snack to tell you that I, the Social Narcissist, got asked to prom.

Before you get all, ‘whoa…10 years ago much?’ let me tell you that it’s an ADULT prom.

My real prom was semi-disastrous considering my high school boyfriend 1) forgot about the dance and 2) prompted a breakup convo due to my lack of commitment. Which is ironic since he is the one that forgot about the most important night of my adolescent life.

No, we didn’t end it, and I swore I would put ‘more’ into the relationship.

I didn’t, and we broke up a few days later.

I spent prom night trapped on an Argosy cruise in a plain dress I got at T.J. Maxx because I love T.J. Maxx and at the time I felt that I could totally accessorize the crap out of my dress. Again, I didn’t and was ultimately bored with my choice.

Tonight is the night to re-do prom thanks to a fancy gent who is throwing himself a 30th birthday-prom.

How will the night turn out?

Friday For Thought: Men

Tell me this isn’t awesome:


Happy Friday from me – and the AdCouncil and Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality.

This billboard is MORE about getting the medical testing you need (read: uncomfortable, I’d prefer not to kind of tests) and less about the fact that  98% of men (except my Dad, he’s perfect, obvs) are stubborn. Alas, snaps for the AdCouncil, they nailed it.

Oh, and also since we are talking about this, go to the doctor for that thing you didn’t want to go for.